I spent the last 11 years trying to see if I could live "more lightly" on the earth. I believed that by pulling back from the greater economic system of consumption and waste I would not only live closer to my ideals but also have a richer deeper experience. In some regards living the way we have been allowed for more control as far as consumption is concerned--we didn't need to buy as many things wrapped in plastic--and could produce a certain amount for our own needs and when we had goats and made cheese (sounds cliche) we produced some for others too. But the distancing ourselves from the greater structure or even living lightly seemed to become a phantom. Most country people drive a lot and often in big trucks. They heat large spaces for their nuclear families. They love high tech gadgets and fly places to visit the friends and family. The most concerned people, "the alternativos," as Jim Merkle called them use more stuff and resources than city dwellers. In fact NY state's relatively low per capita carbon footprint comes not from the vast unused lands but because many people live in NYC. Surprise surprise. Collective living not exurbia in less toxic. This is/was a painful revelation to me. The other part of the equation was that, as Adam Lobel kindly pointed out to me one time when he had just finished a world travel with the Sakyung, the world is marching in another direction. Try as you like to take less plastic bags more smart phones and disposable electric toothbrushes are being manufactured every day. If the consumption slows there's a great printing of money so that the parade can continue.
So here I am, away from beautiful Acworth and my body feels lighter than in years. Why did I feel so suck? Why was I so stuck? What happened to the country gentleman that I believed I could become? I couldn't seem to balance the country life and the cultural life--a juggler who forgets which ball to watch.
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